Look back.

Merry Christmas! Finally counting down the last few days to the end of 2017.

2017 is quite a big turning point for me. 
1. Officially bid my study life goodbye (for now)
2. Getting into adulthood  (more responsibility, more stress, more problems) 

When I was maybe 7 or 8, I always hoped I'll grow up faster. Having sisters that are 6 years and 9 years older than me, I don't understand how they get so much freedom while I don't at that young age. Then when I start growing older, that thoughts start creeping away and instead all I hope for was to have my height to grow instead of my age. 
Time is passing so fast, that it felt like Alexis came not long ago. But she's with us for 4 years now.

Getting into adulthood, I'm just grateful that my parents are supportive of whatever I choose to do and that they are currently enjoying their life. Hopefully I'll stop giving them headaches~  
Graduating uni felt really unreal even after 5 months. 
The first year into uni, to be honest, I hated going to this dreadful place. I hated hanging out with these people. I hated all those unnecessary drama. So I choose to distant myself with them, you can call it self-protective or in short selfish. 
I got so much judgement and I just couldn't care much, I just want to get my degree and leave this place. That's the only thing I thought of during the first year into uni.    
Second year some of them went to UK for a year. I spend quite some time being alone. Lunch time or in class. Especially when I joined Japanese language, I just spend most time alone. As someone that hate being alone, I specially enjoyed those time. 
Third year went by like a flash. I really couldn't remember much and I'm already on the stage getting my certs. 
The biggest thing I realized in my 3 years in uni? 
People can judge however the hell they want, just be yourself. Cause they will never know the story behind you when they judge.
Getting into adulthood, starting to work was a nightmare for me. I couldn't cope with it at the very beginning. I was breaking down everyday when I go to sleep. I wasn't sure why I was being that way. I start to think i might have slight anxiety or depression, I'm constantly worrying that I'm not good enough for everything. Instead of being stagnant at that stage, I tried pulling myself up. Also giving a big trophy to my guy that bare with my shitty emotions, cause I was constantly pouring my negative emotions to him, and he would just use his words to slap me in the face. Like pouring cold water on my head. Pain but effective. But i still love him nonetheless. 
At this stage, I still couldn't stop overthinking things, which my biggest resolution in 2018 is to stop worrying about things that are not in my control.   
In 2017, biggest gifts is having these low maintenance friends that are here with me even we didn't hang out much or talk much about our life.
Especially these girls that are with me for 7 years now. I miss the one in Taiwan the most. 

Signing off 2017 with positive vibes and a better self.



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